Ever heard of a wine cocktail?

by Sep 17, 2021Eccentric Somelier0 comments


I hope some of you learned from the reader letter last week [hyperlink to Week Ten post] and checked your attics! You never know how much wine sits above you, waiting to be uncorked and decanted—on someone else’s dime!

Dear Sommelier Ferdinand,

I have a delicious wine cocktail I had to tell you about! It’s a Appellation Cooler, and I think it’s breathtaking how the basil vermouth provides a savory layer underneath the sweet, dry white wine! Have you ever tried making one of these? -Mariana

Mariana, thank you for writing in. But, I need you sit down for this. Have you heard the rumors about how sausage is made? The mixing together of discarded cow parts—packed into its own meat product? Well, that’s exactly what a cocktail is: the mixing together of various liquid refuse into something sweet or bitter. Essentially, you’re burying your daily pill in a mound of sugar to make it go down easier.

And to even consider mixing wine with mixers, liquors—what have you—is a distressing thought. Get it out of your head, Mariana! In fact, don’t ever think put those two words together, ever again—that alone is dangerous enough.

Similarly, it’s in humanity’s best interest to throw away the garnishes. A cucumber slice besides a glass of wine is palatable, but a cucumber slice inside a glass of wine… that is sacrilege. In fact, even less superstitious than “sacrilege”—it is simply a waste of wine. I stress this, perhaps more emphatically than anything expressed on this column: save the wine!

Imagine preserving wine for months, years… taking the hour to assiduously decant… only to mix with vermouth, which was mass-produced in some plastic barrel a five hundred miles away, then marketed with tacky, American South-themed commercials? I shan’t push you further, Mariana, because you have good intentions, after all. Let’s talk alternatives.

Instead, why not save the cocktail ingredients for the next Ladies’ Night? Throw the cucumber slices on a pita with some hummus, or maybe in a vegetable salad. And let the wine occupy its own glass. Treat it like the delicacy it is! That would make your dear Sommelier very happy indeed.

-Sommelier Ferdinand. 9.8.21

Explore More from Our Blog

Alti Wine Exchange Indexes: 2021 overview and trends for 2022

Sergey Glekov Senior financial analyst The Alti Wine Exchange Indexes are a family of equal weighted indexes which trace price performance of fine and rare wines and shows equal weighted average returns on them. The indexes are subdivided by most important wine...

They have created the perfect storm for controlled demolition of money

I’m glad to be back talking financial insights, one glass of wine at a time. First they shut down the economy, to save lives. With the closure of the economy, production ceased. To compensate for non-production or reduced production, people were paid not to lose...

Spanish Cava Sparkling Wine: What You Need to Know!

Spanish Cava Sparkling Wine: What You Need to Know!

What is a Port Wine?

DEAR READER, Let’s start February off with a simple question: Good morning, Mr. Ferdinand, What is a Port wine? -Jacques Thank you, Jacques, for your brevity. Let’s get down to business! Ports are an underrated, very particular type of wine made in the Douro Valley,...

What to Expect for Fine Wine Investments in 2022

Let’s face it, between an ongoing COVID pandemic, erratic markets, fires, floods and major humanitarian crises, 2021 was exhausting. And though none of us can be sure what to make of 2022, we can say with confidence that fine and rare wine investments are looking...

Holiday Gift Guide for Fine Wine

It’s that time of year again! And so begins the search for the perfect holiday gift. Something unique, something that shows you truly care. How about a gift that keeps on giving? An investment. Imagine their surprise when you tell them that their gift is resting...


DEAR READER, As I grow immensely in popularity, I’ve noticed more of you interested in my personal life. I didn’t begin e-blogging with this in mind, but I don’t mind indulging every now and then. I imagine my intellect intimidates a lot of you, so maybe shedding some...

The Truth about Fine Wine

Fine wine. What does that really mean? The truth is, as words, they don’t mean much. There is no official classification system for the title “fine wine.” It’s not like the regulated usage of “Premier Cru” or “Grand Cru Classé,” for example, rather anyone can throw it...

Maipo Valley Reds

DEAR READER, I am again-and-again charmed by my readers’ curiosity! It reminds me of being a young sommelier, ready to take on the world one glass at a time. I know far too much to feel that way again—but at least I can experience a shred of it through you all! Dear...

Liquid Harmony

Harmony. Think Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. Think Picasso's The Old Guitarist. It’s that moment when various elements come together to create magic. And magic really is the word, no? Wine can also sip in harmony, and I can think of no better example than the...

Where Does the Phrase “Aging Like Fine Wine” Originate?

DEAR READER, I received this charming question from an inquisitive reader last week. Dear Sommelier Ferdinand, Where does the phrase “aging like fine wine” originate? It’s so fun! -Imani I just love your question! What a lively spirit you have, Imani! I’m more of a...


DEAR READER, Let’s get down to it! Dear Sommelier Ferdinand, I respect your point of view, but I must ask: don’t you think worshipping wines is partaking too mightily in the past? Wouldn’t you rather create your own memories than indulge in nostalgia? -Ethan Ethan,...